The A’s

Ok, up first are the A’s…

 

Abkhazia – Republic of Abkhazia. Well this little country of …wait..its NOT a freaking country. No one outside of Abkhazia and Russia see it as anything other than a little “renegade” province of Georgia. You see, there is very few places in the world as racist as the little fucks over in this area. Everyone hates everyone, so they each want their own little principality. It’s stupid. Makes our own racism in the States look absolutely benign. Ours is covert and whispered for the most part. These places are run as if the freaking Neo-Nazis run everything, except there is a Nazi organization for every freaking religious and ethnic group. White people killing white people. Malcolm X would be proud. Oh, they, um, farm. Wow.

 

Afghanistan – Islamic Republic of Afghanistan . Before we invaded, it was a little shithole full of FAIL. Now, it’s a shithole full of dead people and FAIL. Great. Unless you are GW Bush or an opium merchant, Afghanistan doesn’t mean shit. In the 3^rd century, sure, it was a crossroads for trade. Now, it’s full of nomads and people who hate Americans. Fun. No ports, no nothing. Soviets tried invading in 79. Why didn’t we learn from their mistake? A mountainous Islamic fucktard backward country with no redeeming value. Treats women like shit, which, while cool in the movies, proves to be abso-freaking-lutely wrong. US will use it as a platform to launch a ground war against Iran. Just wait.

 

Akrotiri and Dhekelia – Sovereign Base Areas of Akrotiri and Dhekelia (UK overseas territory). Two little military bases on the island of Cyprus. Owned by the UK. Cyprus hates that UK is there, as Cyprus used to be a UK colony. Blah, blah, blah. I don’t have a problem with the UK being there. Really. But, as usual, the locals get all bent out of shape when someone owns something they could take for themselves. As Puerto Rico found out, losing a military base has devastating effects on the economy. Suck it up and get on with life, Cyprus.

 

Åland – Åland Islands (Autonomous province of Finland) – An odd little country. Not truly a country, per se, but rather a Finnish provincial island in-between Sweden and Finland. Certain rules and treaties have made it an independent country in the EU’s eyes. No military. Very autonomous. Some interesting stories about Aland shipping during the world wars. Not much to say about it.

 

Albania – Republic of Albania – During the Soviet years, Albania was full of dicks. Tough, mean, and truly evil. However, that was just the Socialist in them, and after the fall of Communism, they reverted back to their likeable selves. This country is improving, and I hope the best for them. Think Greece, but without Greeks.

 

Algeria – People’s Democratic Republic of Algeria -At one time, I lumped ol Algeria into “Communist-infected Arab Scum” (CIAS) category, but that simply isn’t the case. France’s former colonial bitch has suffered a great deal, but looks to be recovering. Like a heroin addict that’s 10 years clean, they look better than they ever have. Of course, after De Gaulle gave them their right to vote and voted for independence, they went ape-shit, as the case usually is. Many innocents died, and many a Socialist tried to muck things up. But as literacy rates went up, so did the collective mind and thought, and things have improved. Not paradise yet, far from it. Just can’t talk too much smack about these folks.

 

American Samoa – Territory of American Samoa (US territory)- Um, not a country. One of many of our bitch states. I thought Duke and MacArthur ran it into the ground, especially since the volcano did not get its virgin. And who can forget the hostages on the cruise ship? (name the comic, win no prize) No matter. In reality, the US just ought to release the Samoans and let them get back to their fishing and islanding heritage. It does not serve either’s interest to drape a US flag overhead.

 

Andorra – Principality of Andorra- Ok, this little landlocked country full of long lived bastards is just that: boring. Some tourism, some banking, that’s about it. Ever meet an Andorran? Me neither.

 

Angola – Republic of Angola- As plumbers say when they see the world’s largest outhouse: WHAT A SHITHOLE. Angola was formerly Portugal’s bitch in the day. Since then, they’ve had wars, skirmishes, fights, battles, murders, killings, you name it. Very corrupt government. One of those “lots of oil receipts, but nothing to show for it” countries. China has pumped billions in recently, so they are essentially China’s bitch now. China’s largest oil supplier. Country is one of the worlds poorest. Who’s getting rich here? BTW, the oil companies are nationalized and owned by the government, so fuck off you big oil haters.

 

Anguilla (UK overseas territory) – Caribbean dreamland.

 

Antigua and Barbuda – Another haven in the Caribbean. Democracy with island-wide goals and dreams. Looks like they’re investing in becoming a medical focal point. Go get ‘em.

 

Argentina – Argentine Republic – As with any country south of the Rio Grande, Argentina is rife with corruption. However, things are improving. Hopefully, someday, they’ll get their act together. Fuckers eat more red meat than anyone else in the world, so they can’t be all bad. I want to visit Patagonia sometime in the future, if they don’t screw it up somehow. For some odd reason, they believe they own the Falklands. Even if they did, THERE AIN’T SHIT THERE to want. Besides, the PEOPLE that live there don’t want to be ruled by the Args. So, STFU and leave the islands alone. Hell, you even let the UK kick your ass from over 9000 miles away.

 

Armenia – Republic of Armenia – Located in the cesspool Caucasus region, bordering Georgia and such. Armenia suffers just as the other shithole countries, but is probably the best of the bunch, per se. Improving economics looks to be the order of the day for Armenia. I fear that Russia might mow their tanks into the region, just like Georgia. Holding my breath on that one. Otherwise, doesn’t seem to be a bad place. Seems to have kept its racism in check, although its like almost completely Aremnian to begin with.

 

Aruba (Self-governing country in the Kingdom of the Netherlands) – Aruba, Jamiaca, ooh I wanna take ya…Another Southern Caribbean paradise. Only knock on this wonderful island is the evident Keystone Kop fucknuggets that police the place. Evidently, you can rape and murder co-eds at will, because the policia can’t even solve the mini-scramble in the Sunday paper.

 

Ascension Island (Dependency of the UK overseas territory of Saint Helena)- Why the fuck this place is listed, I don’t know. Its in the middle of the freaking Atlantic Ocean. Ohh. Used it as a stopover and refuel when I was flying a King Air around the world. British military outpost.

 

Australia – Commonwealth of Australia - A kick ass country. Really. Every Aussie I’ve ever met rocks. Only knocks on the place is that they couldn’t build a decent car to save their life (had an Aussie car once) and that EVERYTHING down under is super-deadly. Everything. I think they have super-poisonous snails and blood sucking frogs. I will always buy an Aussie a drink (old Navy scores).

 

Austria – Republic of Austria – German speaking country that has given up the art of war as they have declared permanent neutrality. Not bad. Pretty much keeps to themselves, except for EU stuff. Have no qualms with Austria. Like Germany, tends to breed the most fucked-up deviants imaginable. Must be something repressive there, just don’t know what it is. Hope to visit someday.

 

Azerbaijan – Republic of Azerbaijan – Like many of its brethren break-away republics, ol Azer has suffered since being a Soviet bitch. Has oil, which helps the economy. NATO member (how, I don’t know), but pulls its weight. Chock full of Muslims, but they’re not Arab or stupid, so there doesn’t seem to be any of that Jihad bullshit. Next door to Russian bitch Georgia, so it does suffer a bit in the racism department.

 

Wow, this took a lot longer than I thought it would. Looks like I’ll post a country series maybe once or twice a week. Depends on how much I goof off.

 

L8rs-